מסע זמני בחיים, בליווי תזמורת. או: מסע מוסיקלי לבינתיים, אגב החיים.

הבנתי לראשונה שמוסיקה זה החיים והחיים זה מוסיקה כשזכרונות נהיו לא ויזואליים, אלא מוסיקליים. תוים מזכירים לי מקומות, ונופים מזכירים לי צלילים. הבנתי זאת לראשונה כשנסעתי עם משפחתי לכרתים בתור ילד. פרטים מהטיול אני כבר לא כל כך זוכר, אבל בכל פעם שאני שומע את אירוסמית', הלהקה האהובה עלי בגיל 13, ואולי היחידה שהתנגנה לי בדיסקמן באותה חופשה, אני רואה את הנוף הנפלא של האי, כאילו אתמול הייתי שם. צליל גיטרה אחד מעלה ריחות, צבעים ורגשות. בכל פעם מחדש אני נפעם מכוחה של המוסיקה. ניתן לשחזר רגעים וחוויות נשכחות על ידי שירים, ולהיפך – אם מאמצים קצת את המוח, אפשר לשייך כמעט לכל רגע שיר, אלבום או להקה שהייתה ברקע. פסקול של החיים שכזה. נפלא.

 

תמונה #1

גיל ההתבגרות עבר עלי בצורה מעט שונה. או אולי אני רק אוהב לחשוב כך. זה הגיל בו הבנתי שלהיות כמו כולם זו לא מעלה. מי שלימד אותי את זה הוא סיד בארט. עם בארט למדתי על עצמי, ועליו, בו זמנית. עלי למדתי קצת מי אני, התחלתי סוג של מסע, שעדיין נמשך. עליו למדתי כל מה שיכולתי. בפעם הראשונה בחיי הרגשתי מה זו תשוקה למוסיקה. איך פרטי טריוויה שלא מעניינים כמעט אף אחד הופכים עבורך לדבר יקר ערך. איך פיסת מוסיקה קטנה יכולה להפוך עבורך עולמות. איך אפשר להזדהות עם אדם, שכל קשר ביוגרפי בינו לבינך הינו מקרי בהחלט, והכל דרך המוסיקה. אני חושב שהחלל הריק שנשמע דרך מילות שיריו משך אותי מאוד. במחשבה לאחור, יכול להיות שהייתי ילד קצת מוזר. "Inside me I feel alone and unreal and the way you kiss will always be a very special thing to me", הוא שר. וכשמתחילים מסע מוסיקלי בחיים עם אדם כזה, ההמשך חייב להיות מעניין.

 

תמונה #2

זה לקח קצת זמן, אבל בסוף הרשיתי לעצמי להקשיב למוסיקה שגם אנשים אחרים מקשיבים לה. זה קרה בעיקר בזכות רד הוט צ'ילי פפרז, שהגיעו בתקופה בה כנראה הייתי זקוק להם. את אלבום המופת Blood Sugar Sex Magic שמעתי לראשונה כשבידי מטאטא, מנקה יחד עם חברי הטוב מקלט מעופש, שלימים יהפוך לחוויה מוסיקלית מסוג אחר. המטאטא הפך מהר מאוד לאייר-גיטאר, ברגע שבדיעבד אני מבין שגילה לי מה זה מוג'ו, ומה זה אנרגיה טהורה ואמיתית.

 

תמונה #3

את ג'ון פרושונטה גיליתי דרך הדמעות, כמו הרבה דברים טובים בחיים. ביום חורפי וגשום חציתי את העיר בדרך לעוד שיעור גיטרה. לראשי כובע צמר עבה שלא שומר עלי יבש, אבל מגן על האוזניות. גיטרת פנדר נקייה, תיפוף מינימלי והפקה זעירה, והגשם שנשפך מהשמיים כמו מפל מתמזג בטבעיות עם הדמעות שכאילו נולדו עם השיר הזה.And have you seen how the cars when the pass they come your way, then they're speeding away? Coming to you and then going away, but for them nothing's changed, for them nothing's changed. עד היום לא תצליחו לשכנע אותי שפרושונטה לא מדבר עם מלאכים. אף אחד לא כותב שירים כאלה. הוא לימד אותי לאהוב להיות גיטריסט ומוזיקאי, והעניין שגיליתי בו מאותו יום גשום רק הלך וגדל, מעצם היותו אחד האנשים המעניינים ביותר שהזדמן לי "להכיר". למינימליות ולצניעות יש יכולת לרגש בצורה יוצאת דופן. כשנשאל על מוסיקה, הוא ענה כי "זה כאילו שאני במימד הרביעי ומישהו מבקש ממני לתאר את זה במילים, וזה כל העניין במימד הרביעי. אין מילים, אין סמלים, אין תמונות. זה הכל אנרגיה טהורה וויברציות". המוסיקה שג'ון יוצר היא כמעט על טבעית מבחינתי. ככל שהשנים עוברות עם השירים שלו לצידי, החיבור בין הצלילים לנשמה מתגבר. "אני מאמין שיש דברים שאנחנו לא רואים בעיניים, שהופכים כל רגע למה שהוא", הוא אמר פעם. "כל אדם עשוי מכמה אנשים, וכל מי שחי הוא כל מי שמת. אני פשוט חושב שזה הכל אנרגיה גדולה אחת שעובדת ביחד. אני רואה את העולם כמאוד מאוזן, מאוזן לגמרי ובצורה מושלמת". והדמעות זלגו כבר מהשיר הראשון.

 

תמונה #4

המכונית נוסעת לאילת, בצדדים מדבר לוהט, הרים ועצי שיטה בודדים, ובמערכת ניל יאנג. במקום ליהנות מהחיבור המושלם הזה, אני רק חושב על כמה זה מושלם. לא חווה, חושב. הקול השברירי של יאנג עם צבעי החול המתחלפים. הלאפ-סטיל גיטאר כאילו מנגנת על הכביש הרותח. אבל אני לא מסוגל ליהנות מזה ברגע האמת, רק לחשוב על איך הרגע הנפלא הזה מתקטלג אצלי בחיים. וזו התכונה השנואה עלי ביותר. לעתים אני לא חי את החיים בהווה, אלא מתייחס לדברים שקורים מנקודת מבט עתידית, או מנקודת מבטו של במאי, שעומד מאחורי המצלמה ומתרגש ממה שהוא רואה. עדיין לא הצלחתי להבין אם זה מפחדנות או פשוט מתוך הרגל רע, שנובע מצפייה ביותר מדי סרטים. הרי כולנו כוכבים בסרטים של עצמנו, ואיזו סצינה יכולה להיות יפה יותר מנסיעה במדבר עם ניל יאנג שר על אהבה והבטחות.

 

תמונה #5

שמיניסט, נוסע לבד באוטובוס לאילת, ג'ינס, גופיה, אולסטארז, החדש של פרל ג'אם באוזניות. מה יכול כבר לעצור אותי. אני חושב שיש כמה תקופות בחיים שבהם אתה מרגיש שאתה הרוקנ'רול בהתגלמותו. אני בטוח שיש לי עוד כמה כאלה בשרוול, אבל גיל 18 לעד ייחרט אצלי כתמונה הזו. כאחד שלא חווה את גל הפלאנל, דיסטורשן ו-ווקמן בתחילת שנות התשעים, זה היה פיצוי מבחינתי. I have tasted a life wasted and I ain't never coming back again צועק אדי וודר, צועק הרבה מעל מה שהנהג מנסה להגיד לי, אבל אני בסדר עם זה. זאת הרגשה שאני חושב שתשאר אצלי תמיד – כשפרל ג'אם מתנגנים, הכל מסביב מחוויר. לאחר זמן מה בנסיעה, עוברים לסרט שונה. השניה הראשונה של  Parachutes לוקחת אותי למקום אחר. הגיטרות משחקות כל כך יפה ביחד, וכיסוי הקלידים הופך את השיר לכמו חלום. הנוף הנשקף מהחלון של כביש 40 המצחיח אט אט משתלב נפלא עם השיר ומקבל צבעים חדשים, והכניסה של החשמלית מכשפת הכל. אני מרגיש כמו דמות בסרט של ג'ים ג'רמוש.

 

תמונה #6

עכשיו זה נראה לי מעט סכריני, אבל לפני כמה שנים התאהבתי, נשבר לי הלב, התאחה לי הלב, ועשיתי אהבה, והכל לצלילי ג'ון מאייר. הוא אולי נדוש מדי, אבל הוא שר על רומנטיקה שלא קיימת, מה שהפך אותה מבחינתי לדבר שיש להשיג. הוא ליווה אותי דרך מערכת היחסים הרצינית הראשונה שלי, עד כדי כך שהיום אני לא יכול לנתק את שני הדברים זה מזה. כשאתה לא יכול להקשיב לאמן מסוים אחרי פרידה, כנראה שהייתה שם אהבה גדולה. מצד שני, האהבה הגדולה ביותר שלי לא גרמה לי לדבר כזה. אולי בגלל זה זה נגמר. נקודה למחשבה.

 

תמונה #7

"חום נספג אל תוך הזפת, אני בדרך למקום אחר". סיבוב רגלי ביער אורה, העיר ירושלים פרושה לפני. השעה שעת דמדומים, ואני בדרך למקום אחר. אך רק בראשי. במציאות אני לבוש מדים ירוקים, שהם כמו תחפושת בשבילי, מסביבי גדר, והיער הריחני וההרים שמסביבי קוראים לי. "זה כבר שנה מאז עזבתי, לא ברור לאן אני הולך, לא זוכר מאיפה באתי, אור חלש עדיין לא דועך". אני יודע שזה לא מקומי, כל מה שאני רוצה זה לעופף אל על, אז בינתיים אני עושה סיבוב רגלי ביער אורה, בתוך הגדרות, ובאוזניות תנועת המרי, לוחצים על כפתורים בלב שאפילו אני לא מכיר. ככה זה, למסור עצמך לשיר, שייתן לך מה שאתה לא יכול לתת לעצמך. "על הדרך לאי שם", ובינתיים השמש שוקעת, ואני עולה לשמירה.

 

תמונה #8

כנראה שיש דברים שאדם יכול להבין רק באווירה מסוימת. וכך קורה שאני יושב על שטיח בחדרו החשוך למחצה של חברי הטוב, בתקופת ההתרגשות מהחיים החדשים שנתנו לנו במתנה, תופס את הראש עם הידיים ולא מאמין. פינק פלויד מופיעים מול אמפיתיאטרון ריק, בסרט שראיתי אינספור פעמים, אבל זה מרגיש כמו הפעם הראשונה. פתאום אני מבין, 10 שנים אחרי שהתחלתי להאזין למוסיקה – מה, איך, למה. אני מבין שחשוב להתחדש, כדי להתרגש. לא לבוסס בבוץ, כדי לגלות מחדש דברים שנראים מובנים מאליהם. פשוט כדי לא לדרוך במקום. ואין עוד להקה בהסטוריה שיכולה להדגים זאת כך, וכנראה שאין עוד רגע בחיים בו זה היה יכול לקרות.

 

תמונה #9

תמונה קטנה לסיום. ההווה. On bended knee is no way to be free, lifting up an empty cup, I ask silently all my destinations will accept the one that's me, so I can breathe.

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  238. מאת איזה יאיר:

    כל פעם אני מגלה מחדש איך סיד בארט (ואיתו ביחד או לחוד – למרות ההבדל המוזיקלי הדי גדול – פינק פלויד המוקדמים שלו) חוזר כמו הד מהעבר לתפוס אותי לעוד כמה רגעים בחיים.
    עבודה טובה נדב, זכית בסמיילי.

  239. מאת אסתי כ.:

    איזה כיף של פוסט. קראתי מספר פעמים.
    כתיבה מצוינת. השילוב המוזיקלי בתוך מבנה הפרוזה, טוב מאד.

    מומלץ אצלי במוזיקה.

  240. מאת ניקולס בר זיו:

    בקוראי את הקטע עשיתי בית ובדק..לא ריסנתי תחושות, מיד חשתי אי צדק..כשלי, אבנים של כאב, בפסיפס המסע…ולך, תמונות ססגוניות, באלבום לראווה..

    • מאת nadavno:

      אצל כולנו יש אבנים כהות יותר ופחות. צייר לך את המסע בצבעים עליזים, זה המעט שאנחנו יכולים לעשות

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